“Once the house is sold, everything will be better!”
These were the words of a good friend, repeated every time we met, for almost five years. Last week we talked the first time in ages and she told me about all the struggles she is facing at the moment. Towards the end of the conversation, after about 20min, she said that she'll be busy next weekend clearing the house.
“Yes, the house, it's sold.”
I was puzzled. For years one of her main hopes for a better future had been to sell this damn house, and now that it was sold she hardly mentioned it. Her big dream had finally become true but now that dream had lost its magic; it had drowned in the sea of all the other everyday crap.
A similar kind of story happened to me recently too. Three months ago I was finishing my first documentary film, anicca – embracing change, and during the final weeks I could feel my stress levels rising on an hourly basis. I remember that I kept saying to myself, 'once this film is done I'll be able to relax'. Now the film is out and since the middle of last month I've been working on a new book. Due to a self-imposed deadline I found myself yet again with rising stress levels, and again I could hear that voice in my head, trying to convince me that 'once this book is done...'
'Once I have a better job...'
'Once I finish my studies...'
'Once I get my money back...'
'Once I find a new home...'
'Once it's summer...'
'Once I'm in love...'
Yes, one day it might all be better. But what if not? What if it won't get better? Or what if I am dead when one day arrives?
“We always imagine that there's got to be somewhere else better than where we are right now; this is the Great Somewhere Else we all carry around in our heads. We believe Somewhere Else is out there for us if only we could find it. But there's no Somewhere Else. Everything is right here.” (Brad Warner)
Can you hear it too? That furious storm of excuses hurling through the air? 'All very well, but I first need more money', 'I first need to find a different house', 'I first need to fall in love', etc. etc. etc. Fine, get money, find a house and fall in love. Do what you have to do but in the meantime, live! Laugh, cry and dance, be kind and breathe deeply! Enjoy today and be grateful for everything you have already. For there might not be a better tomorrow. There might not even be a tomorrow at all.