Parents – you gotta love
them! Because without them, you wouldn't be here. But apart from this
loving gratitude for ones creation, how comes I don't know a single
person who has a sane and harmonious relationship with their parents?
It always seems to be a struggle, often bordering on sheer madness
and sometimes even going beyond that. Why can't it just be nice?
Recently a friend summed
up two days with her mum and dad like this: “If Buddha had had
my parents, he wouldn't have succeeded with enlightenment.” It's a funny reflection, and a very sad one. Being a dad myself, I really hope that my daughter will never have to
say something like this about me. It doesn't always have to
be super easy, the relationship between child and parent, but surely it's not meant to be as complicated and depressing as it
often is. Not such an everlasting drama.
There's a great quote that
I read somewhere: “If you think you're enlightened, go and spend
a week with your parents.” Amen to that!
I wonder what would have
happened if Buddha had not left his parents in the royal palace?
Perhaps he would have become an angry ruler, letting his frustrations
out on his people. A vicious tyrant instead of a peaceful saint. Who
knows...
Sometimes you come to
crossroads which determine your whole life. Like moving away from
your parents, getting married or quitting a job. When he was 18 years
old, Adolf Hitler applied to an art academy in Vienna. He was a
passionate painter and dreamt of pursuing a career in the arts. His
application was rejected. He stayed put and tried again one year
later but again without success. The rest is history. But imagine he
would have been accepted in the academy? Instead of a ruthless
dictator he might have become a new Picasso. Who knows...
I deeply believe that no
one is born evil. It's life that forms us and sometimes life is not
very kind. Or at least it seems that way because life itself is
neither kind nor unkind. It just is. And it's each one of us who
chooses to learn and thrive, or to ignore the lessons and give up.
For some it's harder, for some easier – but everyone chooses.
Everyone creates his or
her own path. And everyone also chooses how to look at others. Do you
just see what a person has become? Or do you also try to see why a
person has become what he or she is?
With regards to parents:
They also have had parents and they too have to cope with all the
challenges of life, with all the ups and downs and with the big
uncertainty that lies ahead. Sometimes it helps to remember this. Not
that it justifies every madness but it helps to understand and
through understanding you end up feeling more sorry than angry. Not
perfect, I know, but pity is preferable to anger – because pity can
lead to forgiving and love, while anger only makes everything worse.
