This month I was going to
write about why I think that at least 80% of all politicians who are
over 60 years old should resign. However, a few days ago I had an
interesting little experience which I'd like to share and so the
bashing of the politicians has to wait till next month.
I was waiting at the bus
stop, sitting next to a tree and having a moment of peace. At some
point a car approached and parked about 20 meters away from me. A guy
in a bus driver uniform stepped out and while sipping at a can of
coke he went over to another parked car and started talking to a
colleague. While I was staring at them, daydreaming about something
else, I saw that the first guy finished the coke and then, totally
unexpected, he threw the empty can into the bush next to him. At once
my daydream stopped.
I whistle, he turns
round and smiles at me.
“Do you think this is
normal?”, I wonder, not hiding my indignation.
“What?”
“Throwing your
rubbish into the bush!”
He seems surprised and
smiles again.
“I'm serious”, I
say with a louder voice, “what if everybody did that?”
“As if you never
throw anything away”, he replies, a little louder still.
“Yes, but into the
bin and not just...”
He snaps.
“Listen, I got up at
5.30 this morning and worked the last 7 hours. I don't care what you
think and I don't give a fuck where I throw this can!”
We start to shout at
each other, both angry that someone has destroyed our peaceful
moment. After a minute of silly insults the battle ceases and we
proceed to ignore each other. Shortly after I get up and head to the
bus. With a shaking head I'm cursing the blatant ignorance I have
just come across.
While the bus rolled onto
the motorway I kept thinking about this idiot and how there are far
too many people like him in this world. Anger and frustration took
hold of me and I felt my whole body being poisoned with negative
energy. And then I suddenly realized how pointless this confrontation
had been. I was angry and sooner or later I would pass this anger on
to someone else. Same with the other guy, probably he went home and
let his agitation out on his wife or his kids. There was only one
winner and that was anger itself.
Sitting by the window and
watching the passing fields and mountains I started to think about a
book I recently read, about non-violent communication. Like many
other books it contains all sorts of wonderful advice for a better
and healthier co-existence but all this advice is of course totally
useless unless it is applied. So, what if I had used non-violent
communication in this situation?Expressing my own feelings and needs
AND listening to the other person with empathy. Could have been
something like this:
“Look, I understand
that you are tired after a long day's work and that you don't want to
be dealing with some random guy who tells you what to do with your
rubbish.”
My voice is calm and the bus driver doesn't know how to react.
“I'm sorry for
getting on your nerves”, I continue. “But I would
appreciate it if you could see my perspective too. I was sitting here
peacefully, surrounded by a little bit of beautiful nature, and then
you appear and throw your empty coke can into my little paradise. I'm
sure you meant no harm but I'm also sure that you'd agree that nature
is nicer without rubbish.”
Maybe he would have
punched me right in the face. Or
maybe he would have nodded in agreement and we both would have left
the scene with a smile. Who knows... There's only one way to find out
and that's by trying it out in the next situation of conflict.
